I have found a way to make money at home… I didn’t think it would work… but once I had put it all into focus… and made a few changes to make it run smoothly… It purrs like a kitten and I am able to make $1610.00 and more a month… yes I know it doesn’t sound like a lot… I am not going to get rich off of this… however… I am able to help pay the bills and be able to live life…
Isn’t that what it’s all about anyways? To be able to live life… to not worry about the bills…
I am going to be making a website where you can learn the same steps I have taken to make money at home… I will also be putting video tutorials up and be showing you step by step on how I did it… so you cant get confused… you will see what I did… instead of just reading it and getting all confused… I know I would have gotten confused if I just read the steps… hence the reason why I will have the videos as well… I wish I could give you the website right now… but it is still in a working motion… it will be up in about 2 weeks…
I will post it on here to tell you the site…
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
To Ryan!
This entry is for my little brother! It’s his birthday… Happy birthday Bro!
Today is my little brothers birthday… well he isn’t little any more… he is now 24… I think… or is it 23?... any ways… the point is that he isn’t little any more… he is also going to be a daddy soon as well… which will be interesting to say the least… since he is a kid himself at most times… (well so am I) … he lives in Alberta, Ontario… and I am so proud of him for making that move… I think it was the best thing he has ever done… that move to be there has made him grow up…some… that move also gave him a huge chance to pay off his debt… and to find a great girl… and to be able to be a daddy… I hope being a daddy makes him realized what I and my sister has always said … “don’t do that! that is dangerous!... one day you will see the danger when you have your own kids!” this is usually me or Cori telling him this while he is playing on the stairs with one of our kids… he never really seen the dangers of it… I hope he does with his… or his kid will have a lot of bruises… and Ryan… you can’t put them back where they come from if you get angry with it… you get what you get… lol…
Ok on to some funny things…
I remember when we were little, my mom had told Ryan to go and take a bath… he was too dirty to be at the supper table for supper… so when supper was ready, my mom called out to him… he was still in the tub… he ran out butt naked and sat at the table waiting for his supper… I guess he was really hungry at that time… my mom busted out laughing… and couldn’t resist taking the picture… like all mothers do…
There were times where my brother would get me in trouble along with him self when we were kids… we use to hit our legs and say ow! Really load with each others name attached to the “hit” so we were getting each other in shit…
I believe my brother is like a cat… he has 9 lives… he has been threw a lot … where she should have died…
1- when I was pissed at boys when I was a kid… I guess I latched on to Ryan’s throat and almost killed him… his face was purple and blue… he was lucky that the baby sitter caught me in time… or that would have been the end of Ryan at the age of 3 or 2…
2- Ryan was playing with dog that attached to our backyard with the other house… there was no fence… the dog named “Bear” was eating and Ryan thought it would be great to pull on the dogs tail while it was eating… the dog turned on Ryan and was going right for Ryan’s throat… Ryan turned with in sec. and the dog bit Ryan in the eye and half of his head… I think he was 4 at this time… he of course survived that attach as well… he is lucky he can even see… the only proof that he has of that attach is a little brown spot in the corner of his eye… where the dogs saliva had gotten in… I guess the Dr.’s said Dogs saliva at times stains human’s skin if it gets under a wound…
3- Ryan was playing with some of the kids down the road… well these kids were not nice to say the least… they were really morbid… when Ryan’s back was turned this kid threw a dart at Ryan’s back… hit him in the back… he is lucky it didn’t puncture any real thing and or even in his head for that matter!
4- These same kids I was talking about tried to kidnap Ryan… my mom wanted to know where Ryan was… we didn’t really know… so we went to ask the other kids… they said they didn’t know who Ryan was and has never seen him… we knew that was so INCORECT! My sister had heard something… we were outside yelling at the kids to their window… I don’t know how Cori even herd anything… we are just glad that she did… because the kids had him tied up in their closet… What were they going to do? I mean these kids were really… really morbid kids… they still have that feeling every time I see one on the street… I think Ryan was 5 or 6 by this time…
5- Ryan thought it was a great idea one day at school to go skipping… well you see the school he was in was Valley Hights… it’s in the middle of no where! You need a car to even thinking of skipping from this school… and travel at least a half hour to get anywhere’s… him and a bunch of other people skipped and took a van… I guess the girl that was driving didn’t know about a certain hill that was like a straight drop… it even says before you approach the hill… “Enter at own risk” if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is! She was going WAY too fast and they went air born for a little while… they had hit a hydro pole… Ryan ended up being ok… however one of the girls in the car had a broken ankle… the car was a right off… I guess what Ryan said was as soon as he got out of the car he kissed the ground…
6- Ryan was playing with his new 4 wheeler… I guess he was going on a ramp and had hit the gas too late or too early… either or… he had landed on his back and he had broken his back… he was rushed to the hospital and was on huge amount of morphine… he is lucky he didn’t get to be in a wheel chair all of his life… getting someone to feed him with a fucking tube! Let alone dead! He had lost a lot of fat and even his “baby fat” from that… he couldn’t eat for a while and the only real thing he took in was a huge glass of Coke and then the rest of the day water… he didn’t shave for a while either … he looked like a brother to Jesus… he even had a cane for a while there… he stole a pair of hospital pants… which he still where’s here and there…
Well Ryan… you have 3 more lives still… what I am saying is “don’t shop all in one store!”
I love you and don’t drink too much where you get alcohol poisoning or I am going to have to dock you 1 life…
Have a good Birthday Bro! kisses and hugs… Love your Sister Sarah…
Today is my little brothers birthday… well he isn’t little any more… he is now 24… I think… or is it 23?... any ways… the point is that he isn’t little any more… he is also going to be a daddy soon as well… which will be interesting to say the least… since he is a kid himself at most times… (well so am I) … he lives in Alberta, Ontario… and I am so proud of him for making that move… I think it was the best thing he has ever done… that move to be there has made him grow up…some… that move also gave him a huge chance to pay off his debt… and to find a great girl… and to be able to be a daddy… I hope being a daddy makes him realized what I and my sister has always said … “don’t do that! that is dangerous!... one day you will see the danger when you have your own kids!” this is usually me or Cori telling him this while he is playing on the stairs with one of our kids… he never really seen the dangers of it… I hope he does with his… or his kid will have a lot of bruises… and Ryan… you can’t put them back where they come from if you get angry with it… you get what you get… lol…
Ok on to some funny things…
I remember when we were little, my mom had told Ryan to go and take a bath… he was too dirty to be at the supper table for supper… so when supper was ready, my mom called out to him… he was still in the tub… he ran out butt naked and sat at the table waiting for his supper… I guess he was really hungry at that time… my mom busted out laughing… and couldn’t resist taking the picture… like all mothers do…
There were times where my brother would get me in trouble along with him self when we were kids… we use to hit our legs and say ow! Really load with each others name attached to the “hit” so we were getting each other in shit…
I believe my brother is like a cat… he has 9 lives… he has been threw a lot … where she should have died…
1- when I was pissed at boys when I was a kid… I guess I latched on to Ryan’s throat and almost killed him… his face was purple and blue… he was lucky that the baby sitter caught me in time… or that would have been the end of Ryan at the age of 3 or 2…
2- Ryan was playing with dog that attached to our backyard with the other house… there was no fence… the dog named “Bear” was eating and Ryan thought it would be great to pull on the dogs tail while it was eating… the dog turned on Ryan and was going right for Ryan’s throat… Ryan turned with in sec. and the dog bit Ryan in the eye and half of his head… I think he was 4 at this time… he of course survived that attach as well… he is lucky he can even see… the only proof that he has of that attach is a little brown spot in the corner of his eye… where the dogs saliva had gotten in… I guess the Dr.’s said Dogs saliva at times stains human’s skin if it gets under a wound…
3- Ryan was playing with some of the kids down the road… well these kids were not nice to say the least… they were really morbid… when Ryan’s back was turned this kid threw a dart at Ryan’s back… hit him in the back… he is lucky it didn’t puncture any real thing and or even in his head for that matter!
4- These same kids I was talking about tried to kidnap Ryan… my mom wanted to know where Ryan was… we didn’t really know… so we went to ask the other kids… they said they didn’t know who Ryan was and has never seen him… we knew that was so INCORECT! My sister had heard something… we were outside yelling at the kids to their window… I don’t know how Cori even herd anything… we are just glad that she did… because the kids had him tied up in their closet… What were they going to do? I mean these kids were really… really morbid kids… they still have that feeling every time I see one on the street… I think Ryan was 5 or 6 by this time…
5- Ryan thought it was a great idea one day at school to go skipping… well you see the school he was in was Valley Hights… it’s in the middle of no where! You need a car to even thinking of skipping from this school… and travel at least a half hour to get anywhere’s… him and a bunch of other people skipped and took a van… I guess the girl that was driving didn’t know about a certain hill that was like a straight drop… it even says before you approach the hill… “Enter at own risk” if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is! She was going WAY too fast and they went air born for a little while… they had hit a hydro pole… Ryan ended up being ok… however one of the girls in the car had a broken ankle… the car was a right off… I guess what Ryan said was as soon as he got out of the car he kissed the ground…
6- Ryan was playing with his new 4 wheeler… I guess he was going on a ramp and had hit the gas too late or too early… either or… he had landed on his back and he had broken his back… he was rushed to the hospital and was on huge amount of morphine… he is lucky he didn’t get to be in a wheel chair all of his life… getting someone to feed him with a fucking tube! Let alone dead! He had lost a lot of fat and even his “baby fat” from that… he couldn’t eat for a while and the only real thing he took in was a huge glass of Coke and then the rest of the day water… he didn’t shave for a while either … he looked like a brother to Jesus… he even had a cane for a while there… he stole a pair of hospital pants… which he still where’s here and there…
Well Ryan… you have 3 more lives still… what I am saying is “don’t shop all in one store!”
I love you and don’t drink too much where you get alcohol poisoning or I am going to have to dock you 1 life…
Have a good Birthday Bro! kisses and hugs… Love your Sister Sarah…
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Pulmonary Test…and Cane
I went to my pulmonary test yesterday with my mom… The women that I see every time I go for this test is 27… we have gotten use to each other… to the point where she can tell me that I did ‘crappy” on my test… she also told me that the puffer has no affect on me… we did three test without the puffer and then three test with the puffer… she was also concerned on my hart rate… since it was back and forth at 84-85… she said that isn’t right… she said for my age group it should be at 96-100… she seen my nails and told me that my nails are showing very little oxygen is going through my body…
I was getting use to my cane yesterday as well… I got to the point where I was able to clean a little of the apartment… with one hand mind you … but I was still able to do it… I have gotten to the point as well to say “Fuck you” to my condition… and refuse to be bed ridden… I want to help out as much as possible for Donavan … it’s not fair for him to be having to do all of the cleaning by himself…
I had totally forgot to go see my dumb Dr. yesterday for the appointment for Dr. Bard… and no they still haven’t called to tell me when my appointment is… MF’S!
OMG! Guess what!? I actually had a hunger pain last night at around 8 pm… Donavan made me some bun pizza… unfortunately I was full after 4 bites… but I was determined to at least eat one of the buns… I was disappointed in my body… it’s like it’s playing games with me… stupid body!
Speaking of stupid body… every night this past week I have asked Donavan to lop off my legs… he of course will not… lol… its just the pain is sooo horrific… and by 10 pm they are numb as well as my arms… I feel heavy and feel like I can’t lift them… so I get frustrated…
I was getting use to my cane yesterday as well… I got to the point where I was able to clean a little of the apartment… with one hand mind you … but I was still able to do it… I have gotten to the point as well to say “Fuck you” to my condition… and refuse to be bed ridden… I want to help out as much as possible for Donavan … it’s not fair for him to be having to do all of the cleaning by himself…
I had totally forgot to go see my dumb Dr. yesterday for the appointment for Dr. Bard… and no they still haven’t called to tell me when my appointment is… MF’S!
OMG! Guess what!? I actually had a hunger pain last night at around 8 pm… Donavan made me some bun pizza… unfortunately I was full after 4 bites… but I was determined to at least eat one of the buns… I was disappointed in my body… it’s like it’s playing games with me… stupid body!
Speaking of stupid body… every night this past week I have asked Donavan to lop off my legs… he of course will not… lol… its just the pain is sooo horrific… and by 10 pm they are numb as well as my arms… I feel heavy and feel like I can’t lift them… so I get frustrated…
Friday, January 30, 2009
Back to square one.
I went to the funeral home tour… I had problems with my legs… I should have brought my cane… but NOOOOO I was bull headed and didn’t… my teacher had grabbed me before I had fallen… I sat where ever I could find a chair… when I took just one glance at the coffins I left… because I started to cry… I had a smoke outside…
I thought that the prep room would have been more elaborate but it was a simple room… I wanted to see it… I was expecting it to be more “scarier”… but it wasn’t… for a min. there I was thinking of changing my profession… until I heard how much I had to know and how hard the course was… the guy said they put two years of knowledge into one year because it helps weed out the people that would be able to actually do the job under stress… also little fact be known… suicidal rate is the highest in funeral directors then even police and fire department… nope! Not for me!
I was talking to my mom on the phone last night… she said maybe I have a strain of MS… that actually scared me more then cancer… go figure… I think because of Donavan’s mom had MS… and I don’t want to be a reminder for him… I don’t want Stephen to go through what Donavan had gone through in his childhood… Donavan’s mom died of MS… Donavan said that people usually don’t die from it… he said that she lost her will to live…that she willed death… I know that can happen… many people do it usually when they have an illness and or when they are old and their loved ones such as other half had passed away… there are many cases of this happening…
I looked up MS and there are TONS of signs and symptoms of MS… the only true way to find out if you have MS is getting a spinal tap and an MRI… blood work doesn’t matter for this illness… a lot of my signs and symptoms coincides with MS… but I haven’t found anything linking to bone pain with MS… another hunt for my condition… square one all over again… it’s not the knowing what you have… it’s the waiting… that is nerve wrecking…
My mom is taking me to my pulmonary test… it’s a test for your breathing… I have done this test 3 times already… this will be my forth in the past 3 years… how many of these fucking tests do I need to do? This test is the most annoying test I have ever come across… what’s the real point of this test? We all know I have a hard time breathing… what you don’t believe me? It’s like almost a lie detector for breathing problems… so stupid if you ask me… but hey what do I know? … It’s not like it’s my chest that’s having problems… (That’s being sarcastic by the way…lol..)
I am just so frustrated and I am feeling like I am lashing out at everyone… I don’t mean too… I know you guys are trying to help me as much as possible… I am sorry if I do.
You know what is pissing me off? Is that my dr. hasn’t called me to tell me when my Dr. Appointment is with this other Dr… yeah nice “aggressive testing” Dr. Johnston! All he did was did blood work and another chest x-ray… and a pulmonary test… which I have done all three a million times… for this situation… I guess aggressive means ship me off to another Dr… then not give me a date to go see him… my mom and I are going to my Dr. and demanding a time and date to see this Dr… or I will be going to the emerge and finding out what is wrong with me there…
My teacher Brenda talked to Camellia from the hospice in Brantford… who I guess is the head person there… said that if I don’t get to see this new Dr. Bard with in a week then I should be going to the emerge for at least pain medication… and they would do tests to find out what I have and or what is going on with my body… because the big issue is the whole no appetite and my legs… not to mention my breathing problem…
My teacher as well told me to take my stubbornness and turn it into pushiness with the dr.’s she said it is unacceptable for the Dr.’s to make me wait for this long and no pain medication…
I thought that the prep room would have been more elaborate but it was a simple room… I wanted to see it… I was expecting it to be more “scarier”… but it wasn’t… for a min. there I was thinking of changing my profession… until I heard how much I had to know and how hard the course was… the guy said they put two years of knowledge into one year because it helps weed out the people that would be able to actually do the job under stress… also little fact be known… suicidal rate is the highest in funeral directors then even police and fire department… nope! Not for me!
I was talking to my mom on the phone last night… she said maybe I have a strain of MS… that actually scared me more then cancer… go figure… I think because of Donavan’s mom had MS… and I don’t want to be a reminder for him… I don’t want Stephen to go through what Donavan had gone through in his childhood… Donavan’s mom died of MS… Donavan said that people usually don’t die from it… he said that she lost her will to live…that she willed death… I know that can happen… many people do it usually when they have an illness and or when they are old and their loved ones such as other half had passed away… there are many cases of this happening…
I looked up MS and there are TONS of signs and symptoms of MS… the only true way to find out if you have MS is getting a spinal tap and an MRI… blood work doesn’t matter for this illness… a lot of my signs and symptoms coincides with MS… but I haven’t found anything linking to bone pain with MS… another hunt for my condition… square one all over again… it’s not the knowing what you have… it’s the waiting… that is nerve wrecking…
My mom is taking me to my pulmonary test… it’s a test for your breathing… I have done this test 3 times already… this will be my forth in the past 3 years… how many of these fucking tests do I need to do? This test is the most annoying test I have ever come across… what’s the real point of this test? We all know I have a hard time breathing… what you don’t believe me? It’s like almost a lie detector for breathing problems… so stupid if you ask me… but hey what do I know? … It’s not like it’s my chest that’s having problems… (That’s being sarcastic by the way…lol..)
I am just so frustrated and I am feeling like I am lashing out at everyone… I don’t mean too… I know you guys are trying to help me as much as possible… I am sorry if I do.
You know what is pissing me off? Is that my dr. hasn’t called me to tell me when my Dr. Appointment is with this other Dr… yeah nice “aggressive testing” Dr. Johnston! All he did was did blood work and another chest x-ray… and a pulmonary test… which I have done all three a million times… for this situation… I guess aggressive means ship me off to another Dr… then not give me a date to go see him… my mom and I are going to my Dr. and demanding a time and date to see this Dr… or I will be going to the emerge and finding out what is wrong with me there…
My teacher Brenda talked to Camellia from the hospice in Brantford… who I guess is the head person there… said that if I don’t get to see this new Dr. Bard with in a week then I should be going to the emerge for at least pain medication… and they would do tests to find out what I have and or what is going on with my body… because the big issue is the whole no appetite and my legs… not to mention my breathing problem…
My teacher as well told me to take my stubbornness and turn it into pushiness with the dr.’s she said it is unacceptable for the Dr.’s to make me wait for this long and no pain medication…
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What’s going on?
I want to know what is going on with me…
I want the answers… but I guess I am going to have to learn … patients…
I have the cane… but I am of course worried on what I am going to be looking like… an old lady… I am only 25 years of age…
I have noticed that my bones in my legs hurt more at night… it feels like it’s a gradual hurt through out the day… so when its time to sleep out the night… my legs by then are throbbing…
I tried eating yesterday… didn’t really work… I threw up anything that I eat … I can hold liquids down though… thank god…
My dr. told me not to take “Stress” for an answer when I go see this other Dr. I wonder if this Dr. always says stress when he doesn’t know what it is…
I don’t want to go to the funeral home tour today with my class… but I will… when we get to the coffin part…I am stepping out to have a smoke…I refuse to see another baby coffin!
I want the answers… but I guess I am going to have to learn … patients…
I have the cane… but I am of course worried on what I am going to be looking like… an old lady… I am only 25 years of age…
I have noticed that my bones in my legs hurt more at night… it feels like it’s a gradual hurt through out the day… so when its time to sleep out the night… my legs by then are throbbing…
I tried eating yesterday… didn’t really work… I threw up anything that I eat … I can hold liquids down though… thank god…
My dr. told me not to take “Stress” for an answer when I go see this other Dr. I wonder if this Dr. always says stress when he doesn’t know what it is…
I don’t want to go to the funeral home tour today with my class… but I will… when we get to the coffin part…I am stepping out to have a smoke…I refuse to see another baby coffin!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
God Dame Dumb Dr.!
My fucking dr. is an ass! To say the least… he doesn’t know what is going on with me… he said my blood test and x-ray came back clean… which is good in a sense since then we can rule out the cancer… but my signs and symptoms makes him go “hmmm”… I went there today to get some pain medication… because my fucking legs and pelvic is killing me! he didn’t give me any… told him about my legs not working properly… he said to use a cane when I need to… then he said that he doesn’t understand what is going on with me and that he is getting me to see another Dr. that specialises in something… I don’t fucking know… it was those words that Dr. House (the TV series) is… any ways I am waiting for my Dr.’s secretary to tell me when I will be seeing this Dr… I guess his name is Dr. Bard… how come that sounds familiar and why is it leaving a nasty taste in my mouth?
MOTHER FUCKER! I am soooo angry right now because in a nut shell my Dr. is wiping his hands clean and didn’t do anything for me…
Now me and my family still has to be in this little epidemic and is not sure on what is going on with me… what about school? Is it going to be a waste of time and money? What about work then?
My Dr. says because I am 25 I shouldn’t be having these symptoms and signs… WHO CARES! I AM having this problem and get over it and figure it out… God Dame Mother Fucker…
Yes… by the way … this is what a “rant” looks like… I am just so pissed right now… because I am still in the loop of “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
I went to my grandfather and asked if I can use one of his canes… he let me pick one out that I liked… thank god it fits properly… now the hard part is using it… I didn’t think it was that hard to use a fucking cane… my grand father was going to give me his “duck” cane… by what he said… the cane opens up into a flask… man that would have been great… just one thing wrong with it… it didn’t fit me… My grandpa is so funny at times… he was also telling me one of my fav. Stories of his life is when he and my grand mother had met… he said he is very lucky that he met her and that he married her…
I am going to try to eat at lunch time today… I don’t care if I get sick… I want my food… my grandma said that I am podgy any ways so the weight lost that I am having isn’t a problem… my grandfather says other wise… he said it’s still not healthy…
MOTHER FUCKER! I am soooo angry right now because in a nut shell my Dr. is wiping his hands clean and didn’t do anything for me…
Now me and my family still has to be in this little epidemic and is not sure on what is going on with me… what about school? Is it going to be a waste of time and money? What about work then?
My Dr. says because I am 25 I shouldn’t be having these symptoms and signs… WHO CARES! I AM having this problem and get over it and figure it out… God Dame Mother Fucker…
Yes… by the way … this is what a “rant” looks like… I am just so pissed right now… because I am still in the loop of “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
I went to my grandfather and asked if I can use one of his canes… he let me pick one out that I liked… thank god it fits properly… now the hard part is using it… I didn’t think it was that hard to use a fucking cane… my grand father was going to give me his “duck” cane… by what he said… the cane opens up into a flask… man that would have been great… just one thing wrong with it… it didn’t fit me… My grandpa is so funny at times… he was also telling me one of my fav. Stories of his life is when he and my grand mother had met… he said he is very lucky that he met her and that he married her…
I am going to try to eat at lunch time today… I don’t care if I get sick… I want my food… my grandma said that I am podgy any ways so the weight lost that I am having isn’t a problem… my grandfather says other wise… he said it’s still not healthy…
What lies under these eyes?:
Anger: Because this family has gone through enough!
Frustrated: With my body and with the situation at hand.
Pain: all through my body, not to mention my heart is sinking.
Grieving: over my loved ones… and food.
Anxious: to know what is going on and when?
Sad: for my family to have to go through this.
Fear: of leaving my baby boy… I will not be there in person.
Acceptance: of my fate.
Weak: my body and my soul.
Exhausted: from everything.
Clarity: of living.
Lonely: No one can help, even if they wanted to…
Cold: my body is always cold.
Waiting: for the answer… for the “call”.
Preparing: for the last breath.
Crying: over my family.
Romancing: of what I have done through out my life…
Independence wasting: can barely walk.
Already missing my loved ones
An argument with God.
Frustrated: With my body and with the situation at hand.
Pain: all through my body, not to mention my heart is sinking.
Grieving: over my loved ones… and food.
Anxious: to know what is going on and when?
Sad: for my family to have to go through this.
Fear: of leaving my baby boy… I will not be there in person.
Acceptance: of my fate.
Weak: my body and my soul.
Exhausted: from everything.
Clarity: of living.
Lonely: No one can help, even if they wanted to…
Cold: my body is always cold.
Waiting: for the answer… for the “call”.
Preparing: for the last breath.
Crying: over my family.
Romancing: of what I have done through out my life…
Independence wasting: can barely walk.
Already missing my loved ones
An argument with God.
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