Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Enough is Enough!

I am going to go see my dr. today… I had enough of this bull shit! I am in extreme pain in my bones… in my legs, knees, pelvis and tail bone… My muscles can barely hold me up while standing and walking… my right legs likes to jerk more then the left one while I am walking and or standing… I find myself holding on to things while walking… and if I can’t hold on to things… I find my self being prepared to fall and catching the walls once and a while… one of these days I will not be able to have a wall or anything else around me to ketch my fall… I think I need a cane… I am going to talk to my Dr. about pain medication… and a cane…

If he says yes to the cane I am going to my grand father… he has shit loads of canes I can barrow… there is one actually I have always loved since I was a kid… I wonder if he will let me barrow it… it’s going to be weird using a cane… If I do get to use the cane from grandpa then I will take a picture of it and show you why I like it so much… Come to think of it… I am going to start doing some video blogs soon instead of typing… since all this typing makes my arms cramp up and I have to take breaks here and there…

I am also going to talk to him about my purple toenails and fingernails…

I am tired of his theory of “let’s wait and see”… he has done this all through my life… MOTHER FUCKER! This is not going to go away on its own! This is a serious issue you need to fucking do something… yes I guess I am angry… I am just tired of his lack of actions on some patients…

There are times now where I feel major pain at the base of my ribs… feels like my ribs are going to burst or collapse… it scares the shit out of me… because I feel it even while I am driving… I don’t want to die while I am driving… If it was a “perfect world” I would rather die in my own bed with my loved ones gathering and sharing storied with me…smiling until I die… I know… it’s grim… but this condition is making me really think of these types of situations…

I am also going to badger my Dr. about my blood count… and x-rays…

My throat had swollen yesterday and the day before that… but it’s gone down a little this morning. I checked to see if it was tonsillitis… its not…

Of course the roads have to be shitty out today! GRRR… I am still going… I guess this stubbornness is useful after all… lol …

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