Last night I was playing in a game chat room at dotblue.com , I was playing my fav. Game … snake… I seen on the chat that someone loved emos and instead of hippies… I said that emos suck if they cut themselves… I said I wished my lawn was an emo so it would cut itself… lol… anyways getting off topic…
The person responded back, saying “are you saying I suck?”
I said: “only if you cut your self. There is no real reason to do such a thing”
She said: “My mother is dying from cancer so back the fuck off.”
I said: “ I am slowly dying from Emphysema, my son passed away in my arms, I have been where you are, wanting to cut, wanting to die, there is a way out, but it takes the balls to want out and do something about it… cutting yourself is not the answer, grieving over your mother before she is dead is not the answer…living each moment with your mother is the least you can do for her.”
We had some words… then we both calmed down, knowing both of us were hurting… one in the process and one living from the process…
I told her that I am hear for her if she needs to talk, I will listen… I will not say “I know how you feel.” I also told her that I will say that I have been in the same mind frame as her… she agreed… low and behold she requested us to be friends… I accepted her.
Went to her profile and seen she was only 13 years of age… poor little one just needs an outlet of frustration, of confusion, of anger… of many things…. I know I am not going to save her … my plans are not to save, my plans are to let her know that she is not alone and that there IS someone out there that will listen to her self turmoil…
I want to let her know that life will become to the point where you are in your own hell, not being able to breath, thinking everyone isn’t caring… feeling self pity, among other feelings that gets you more into your own hell. I want her to grasp the idea of the words “to live”, “to be”… as did I… not until then was I truly living…
1 comment:
Here is a mommy's voice. I could be wrong but I am certain that what you have finally come to understand are some of the smae things I tried to get you to understand. I love you and will always be here ,or there, for you.
And yes you are right, your job is not to save her but to help guide her through her own personal hell, until she is able to stand firm on her own.
I have always said you have the strength. You can do what you have to dojust as long has you remember to hold onto yours, mine or other's strengths.
I love you. Use my strength. My love is unconditional, it has no boundries.
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